Blog Post

Funny spam email

I received one of those emails today from a friend, you know one of those “pass this on to 3 friends for good luck” deals? Well, this one was actually kind of funny, so instead of emailing 3 of you poor saps, I figured I would pass it on to millions of you 🙂 These are actually pretty funny, and I know you will get a few chuckles from them, so enjoy!

  • If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?
  • Can you cry under water?
  • How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
  • Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’… but it’s only a ‘penny for your thoughts’? Where’s that extra penny going to?
  • Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
  • Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
  • What disease did cured ham actually have?
  • How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
  • Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up like every two hours?
  • If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
  • Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
  • Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
  • Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.
  • Why is ‘bra’ singular and ‘panties’ plural?
  • Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
  • If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
  • If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
  • Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
  • If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
  • If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
  • If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
  • Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
  • Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
  • Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?
  • Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
  • Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
  • Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is not enough money?
  • Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
  • Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
  • Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
  • Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
  • Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
  • Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?
  • If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
  • Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
  • Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
  • Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
  • Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
  • Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
  • How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
  • When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, ‘It’s all right?’ Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, ‘That really hurt, why don’t you watch where you’re going?’
  • Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
  • In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
  • How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
  • The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you.
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  • Nate

    Those are pretty funny. Except the evolution joke. It always bugs me that most people get the facts of evolution wrong. People didn’t evolve from apes, apes and humans share a common ancestor. Because you’re not the origin of these jokes I’m sure you probably know this all ready. So I’ll leave this little fact for your readers. 🙂

  • We love this stuff! Please send all your best SPAM.

    Have a great day!

    All of us at iamspam

  • Dojo D

    Um, I guess I’ll be the one to say rape jokes = not cool.

    Yuck dude 🙁

  • @Dojo D: umm, #1 is not a joke, it is a question. Did I or anyone else in here say rape jokes were cool? The word Yuck = not cool!

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  • Dojo D

    Seriously? I thought it was a funny spam email to get a chuckle from.

    If it’s actually a question, and not a joke – having sex with someone against their will is considered rape in most countries.

    Facetiousness aside, it just struck me as incredibly tasteless when it showed up as item #1 on Planet Ubuntu, and although I’m not the sort of person that that normally posts semi-pedantic comments (or indeed any comments) to blogs, I had a kind of visceral reaction to it.

    No offence intended of course, but “yuck” was the most accurate description of how I felt. Soured the rest of the post for me, to the extent that I bothered to click through and comment. Maybe it’s just my cultural background versus yours concerning what’s considered normal, but I thought it was better to say something than just think it.

  • j b downtown

    # Why is ‘bra’ singular and ‘panties’ plural?

    – blame the boxers and briefs

    # Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

    – not sure about everybody else, but increased desperation increases the chances i will eat some that i otherwise wouldnt

    # How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

    – cuz they’ll kick your ass

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  • Why do windscreen washers adjust when your windscreen never moves

  • jason

    haha that was a crazy spam mail do you guys have any other ones
    thanks,
    jason
    mindeezy@yahoo.com

  • nadiecita

    hey, dude

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  • Whoa. Awesome spam! We’ve recented started a new site called FatSpam, dedicated to the art of funny spam.

    Please come check us out at http://www.fatspam.com!

    We’d love to get some of your emails. Hilarious!

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